You are exactly where you need to be, You are not missing out, falling behind, doing it wrong, not trying hard enough. Whatever opinions you may have about it, however imperfect. THIS IS YOURS WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW IS P E R F E C T !

04 July 2007

Had it not been there...

It had to start like that. With the precarious English (British) phrases, the belligerent ”bloody hell's” and the awkward language loaned from half-demented characters on the weekly ”Midsomer murder” series.

Shelves and shelves full of nothingness and than the craving. The craving for the nameless. Something to fill everything with. It was definitely not love she'd been after. That was there already. Filled the quote and pouring out on everything else but still not enough. It was a ”nameless, featureless, smellless” deeper, colder, rationale and fulfilling craving. Not all consuming though. There were none of those cravings left.

Most days work could fill it up.When work-,love-, social-, private-, real-, virtual- lives ( are there really only seven basis for ones normal experiences in life or is it > 7 ?!). So, if not normal life could spill over on the rest of the emptiness it was books. After all it was a known fact that work couldn't do the trick. We work to get paid (i.e. eat) not get paid to work - or whichever way the quotation goes. Mind you the books were different depending on the kind of emptiness that needed filling. If work and company had done their job than it was the rationality holes that needed mending and what better way to do that than letting a nice thriller or ”crime” novel try to do it. The void became time consuming words where a lead to b and all the way to z with a few stops on the way to satisfy the author's need for comedy, tragedy or just the good ol' ego of being a ”real writer”.

But than again if the craving for rationality and togetherness had been filled than out came chik-lit with the lovey-dovey, ”feathery-strokery- TM of M.Keys”, melancholic, self indulging, beautiful, glamorous, ironic books.

There was never any need for the really deep though. It was as if the emptiness would explode within itself and become a black-hole instead where normal life didn't exist cause in dissecting itself it had produced a myriad of small normal lives dissecting themselves further and further and further apart.Even the abstraction would provide a headache and the craving would go numb but not filled as one of those ginormous moon craters. So she steared clear of them (them being the deep abstract thought of who are we).

It had to be something in between. Not too deep, not to shallow, mediocre at best. Comforting like a pair of flowery IKEA bed linen paired in their mismatchedness with the nerve screeching turquoise and brown pillowcase.

And the point of it all?. None. Really. Just a gush of words that didn't have the decency to let themselves be forgotten or flushed away with the Aquafresh mouthwash. A doorepost to another fantasy world jammed with elves and gnomes and more witches than anyone could count and less dragons than anyone would bother to think of.

Still the beginning. More words would follow. Decent amount of nonsense and cut-throat logic (where did that come from) spilling over into some area of non-expertise. Anyhow. If it had to be a book it would have to have an ungodly manner of behaving in it. Otherwise it could just as well not be written. Nor planned, nor wished for. Too bad you couldn't stop the thinking though. Unfulfillable bastard craving.

Wink! would have to be invented.


  1. Though I do not share your ideas, the expression was very engaging, and willingly or not you have managed to eloquently and almost lyrically organize some truly subtle observations, if not actual, deep thoughts. One of the best things I have read in this blog, and really in all other blogs...and thank-you, for sharing it.

  2. Thanks, I guess.

    Blurting out ideas,"eloquently" as you put it, is a specialty in which I usually engage privately, particularly in e-mails to friends.

    But, with the heat of the sun, and some friends on vacation and stuff like that, I have to badger my fellow blogmates and blogreaders instead.

    By the way, thanks for dropping by.:)

    It goes without saying that you are welcome to visit anytime. Read the archives for something more lyrical or wait for the next lively expression. Criticism is always appreciated and compliments tolerated anytime the mood for either strikes you.

  3. I have seen this blog from its first days! Thank you for the kind invitation.

  4. Sa bukur flisni you te rinjte e sotem, asnje llaf s'te mora vesh ;) (kjo me duket se eshte nga "Zonja nga qyteti" or something...)

    Now seriously, I can't bring together one being in a sunny vacation and the spiritual setting able to produce such meditation....

    In a way, we all are after something that cannot be fully described (because it is at the last instance the unknown part of ourselves, the dark side of our moon so to say), but a vacation (I guess you're on it) is the most distant place and time from this kind of exploration....

    Speaking out my mind here - this has nothing to do with the quality of this work, which I happened to like - but hey, I'm not on vacation, it's just 4-th of July in my place....

    Cheers, yllke!

  5. @ E.o.n: I'd say I'm honored you have followed my blog from its first days, but that would be "over the top" polite, even for me.

    @ Emigrant: Well, I'm an autumn girl so my sunny disposition doesn't really materialize during summer ;)

    However, there is half a thought of embedding this in something longer later on. So, it had to be typed down instead of just flushed in and out together with an icy lemon Pepsi.

    Enjoy the festivities of Independence Day :)

  6. I think it is impossible to live without being reckless about something.
    Can you imagine not having that unfulfillable bastard craving?
    Would one engage in anything?
    I feel the lack of it is an indication of another life dimension
    or at least a very high spiritual state.Well that`s it!Thank you!
    It was very pleasant to read your work!

  7. Nice to see you here too Naida! :)

    I can definitely imagine lack of craving for something more or at least non acknowledgment of its existence. Comparing and contrasting them really...but now I'm being redundant ;)

  8. Right! I just understood the craving was not for something material, a thing, but for a spiritual condition, hence what I said.But maybe I got it wrong! Thanks for making me feel welcome!

  9. Yes, it is the spiritual craving I meant, and definitely the two examples you mentioned are appropriate. For the sake of argument/meditation/prose/whatever, I intended to put acknowledging and trying to define the craving against not acknowledging it and replacing the urge with material possessions/too much to do/nothing to do/ no input/ no motivation etc, etc...

    Have a bright day !

  10. So I was told, I should have added that...please pardon me for the superfluous info!

  11. wow! this one is a goodie! I sympathize with E.O.N on the idea that this is one of your best posts in this cool blog.
    I wish we had flickr's favourite option here so that we could fave the stories as well:)

    anyway I can say it loudly:LOVED IT!

  12. Thank you for the vote of confidence En :))